Reflections and My Story for 2018
A wonderful healer in London that I worked with in my final year in the UK is a writer. She talks about ‘healing your story’ as part of her work. I love this concept and as I reflect on 2018, I consider the story of this year and what story has been healed for me.
Intentions for 2018
My plan for 2018 was to visit my new partner in Australia and then work in Sri Lanka on a lovely wellness retreat for most of the year and build Omega Movement in between retreats. In April as I sat in the Sri Lankan paradise of my ‘dream’ situation I realised that I had to follow my heart and move to Australia this year.
This was one of ‘those’ decisions that changed my life. It sent me into a spin. It took until October before I could stop focusing on ‘grounding’ myself all the time. This was fair enough, as I did not sleep in the same bed for more than 15 days between 7 April and 10 September and travelled around the world via seven countries. I put pressure on myself to make money solely from Omega Movement, something I always refused to do, as I wanted it to be pressure-free.
I realised that my intentions were amiss; 2018 was about ‘embracing all of myself’. This is about unconditional love. If you read my blog post on forgiveness, then you will know that my shoulder has been bothering me since August this year. This is my body’s expression that I was not being unconditionally loving.
By mid-November I knew I needed some external help to make the changes I needed. I had been clenching my jaw so badly in my sleep that I had cracked a filling in my teeth. My throat chakra needed support.
Before I explain the last one month and five healing treatments that I closed 2018 with, I must share something about myself as a child. I was a strong character with some deep beliefs, these were:
I should never change myself for anyone.
I was always honest and said what I saw.
I never apologised because I stood by my actions and behaviour as an expression of my truth.
I was always kind, imaginative and open-hearted.
Everyone is equal and is respected for being individually unique.
We are all free to be who we want to be.
These are strong throat and heart chakra traits. By seven years old I had begun to lose this truth through socialisation. I learnt to suppress and answer “I don’t mind” rather than be honest. My depression began at this age.
Children at this age speak from a pure heart. It is vital that they express their values and truth with freedom, and are unconditionally accepted for what they will bring to the world as they develop. Suppression of a child’s true expression is damaging to their contribution in the future.
The Healing Treatments
The five healing treatments that I received in the past month were on average 90 minutes each and complex in altered conscious states. The experiences themselves were wonderful and completely unique to the healer yet all complimented each other. I find explaining a healing experience never translates easily, but what is important is that all focused on my left shoulder pain and neck issues.
All healers commented on the following independently:
1. Deep emotional trauma held in my body.
2. I was aged between 3 to 6 years old when significant events occurred, that I do not recall.
3. Issues around boundaries and my need for my own space.
4. My decision to suppress my own voice due to other’s views.
5. A need for unconditional love and acceptance of myself and others.
What was significant from each healer was the degree of emotional trauma and my apparent ‘amnesia’ to this trauma. I have the same trauma from my head injury, so I am not surprised or concerned by this lack of recall. However, I had mentioned to them all the knowing I could not access all of me, and that it felt like a thick fog that I wanted to see clearly through it.
I was healing my body’s pains from a story that I could not consciously recollect. So, this past year has been an unfolding of memories suppressed, like my true voice there is a truth that I cannot share as I do not know the words or emotional pain at a level of words. Can I heal my story without the words?
A Phone Call
Synchronicity 1: On the morning of my last healing, I received an unusual text message from my sister asking to speak that day. I called her as soon as I finished my last appointment and a four and half hour call followed.
Synchronicity 2: The story unfolded from my sister. Over the same period of time she had been writing a ‘story’ project for her fellowship at Harvard University. The story was around our grandparent’s divorce and the chain through our dad that affected her life. Yet, what she had uncovered was actually the story of our childhood and our parent’s divorce.
Synchronicity 3: Neither of us have memories of this three year period, my three to six years of age. Neither of us recalled their arguments, yet I could recall that my mum argued with my sister how my mum argued with my dad. There are memories but it is like a thick fog of confused illusions. Like my healings to see clearly through it.
Synchronicity 4: During the same month, her journalist skills had told the conscious story that I had energetically and anatomically healed in the same time period. We unravelled emotional pains for us both and what had ‘saved’ us each over the years together on the same call.
The answer of my story came clear when my sister asked me, “Who do you go to now when you need help?” I replied, “No one. I go into my heart. I have learnt that I can trust my own voice like I did when I was a child.”
The Healed Story
She wanted the ‘story’ to be told. She wanted facts and told me that she felt ‘we deserve to know the truth’. I understand this viewpoint, like being called to account or sitting in judgment for the story to be weighed and balanced for you to decide what version you like. How might it ‘fit’ your current portrait of your life story? What aspects can you pull out that conditioned you? What can it explain about your story?
For me, I made peace with this story. I am a highly sensitive empath. The trauma for my parents and sister was pain I took as my own. The suffering confused me and who I was, what was my voice and truth. Everyone did their best with who they are in the situation. I take my lessons from it for my journey forwards.
It is human nature to love stories and we tell them to sell beliefs, concepts and all kinds of ‘stuff’. I loved endlessly wrote stories as a child and acted them out with my toys. My personal blogs are about stories in my life because people asked to hear about them.
So, this was my story for 2018. I fulfilled my intention to expand into my full self. This brought me how to:
live from my heart fully,
love and live unconditionally,
got lost and find my true voice again, and
trust myself and be clear about me.
I healed another story and as I enjoy a break from the deep self-work. I ponder about the lighter things in life – a new surf board, to learn aromatherapy or just go lie in the sunshine.
Make sure that as you reflect on 2018, you rest and connect honestly with others. What is the story that you want to tell yourself and others? Share and comment with your story from 2018.
A NOTE ABOUT THE HEALING TREATMENTS:
If you want to know more about the healing treatments, then send me messages asking. But all the healers were amazing and so gifted. I received such compassion and the physical pains have completely gone. The healing treatments were:
1. Karuna Reiki
2. Crystal Reiki
3. Quantum Healing
5. Ayurvedic Massage