The Difference between Hiding and Getting Lost
The movie ‘Joy’ reminded me of my latest healing and my intention to get lost. A woman who invented the self-cleaning mop thanks to her faith in listening to herself. There is a difference between getting lost and hiding. When lost you have trust in how you can handle what you might discover, but when hiding there is a fear that does not want you to be found.
What is Hiding?
As a child my mind was full of demons – nightmares and fears of hiding creatures in the windmill, I was plagued as a child by these energies all around me. My family were kind rational people and could not understand this energetic world I was experiencing. I could not explain why when asked to think of a fluffy cloud, dragons would swoop and breathe fire to burn me alive. They all wanted to attack me.
As a result, I used to hide in various cupboards in our windmill. I could sit there for hours in the hope that someone would come to look for me, I even managed to properly lock myself in one for a few hours once. However, often no-one came and I was just alone in the dark. I was angry but did not know this was anger. Angry that no-one came to find me. Nobody wanted to save me.
I felt very alone. A conspiracy world against me. I was a victim. Isolated in fear of my own mind that attacked me regardless of how I tried to think. This is depression. Your mind attacks you. It hates you. You have no control. So I hid.
What is Getting Lost?
About 2 years after my accident I began to realise that I was getting lost in the process of healing from my injury. Focused on rebuilding my life to get a job again and be independent I took an unusual step - I decided to be vulnerable and really admit that I needed help. Whatever I was trying to do to heal, it was the ‘trying’ that kept making me more sick again. The only real healing was ‘being’.
I reduced to a maximum of 5 things per day, the goal of nature each day, discovering tarot reading and journaling began to allow me to just be in the moment. I could admit that I had no idea what was going on in my life. I had no goal other than to take care of myself to my best ability. I began to feel free.
Getting lost is a part of being in the present moment. To allow the past and future not to control the current activity. To allow for the variable outcomes and not procrastinate or procrastinate about any of it. It is to find joy in relinquishing control.
Why get lost?
Now I know this is the endless cycle of surrendering. Humans want to contribute and have a meaningful life. This can lead to the ego taking control and ‘doing’ to ensure outcomes sought that will bring perceived desired feelings of fulfilment. This can work and is a cycle of life that creates or backfire into the misery of depression
A head injury is a tough lesson is being with yourself to heal. When I try to create my life by doing things I overdo it and feel unwell. It is my ego’s demons that try to limit me with fears. So I must be and be in the moment. To do this I have to admit to another that I have no idea what I am doing, where anything is going and what is going on in my life I discover a new level of joy in my life. I surrender and allow myself to be lost.
I have intentions still, but mostly they are broad: feelings of love, peace, space, healing and more love. I have some specific intentions too such as over 25 celsius all year round with over 300 days of sunshine, healthy and organic foods to be in nature and feel the air around me as I move with good health.
Being lost allows me to:
- Trust in myself and the world around me
- Have faith in my broader intentions always providing for me
- Grow and deepen my life experience
- Serve and help others more deeply
- Get excited about each day and its possibilities
- Feel well and have better energy flowing through my body, mind and soul
- Be more and do less