Giving Up Smoking

Huge societal changes have occurred in the last 15 years since smoking bans spread the globe and society deemed smoking a 'bad' thing. In wellbeing we focus on many positive changes that you can make in your life, but we have to admit one habit that was hard to kick - smoking.

Smoking In My Youth

When I was 12 years old I went to Germany on a school exchange. In Germany they sold cigarettes in vending machines on street corners with no age check. With two friends we decided to buy a packet and I tried smoking for the first time. 

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I coughed up blood. My lungs were on fire and raw from the smoke inhalation. But I loved the taste and act of smoking. Back home I sought advice - keep smoking and the coughing would stop. So I did this. 

By 15 years old, I smoked 20-30 cigarettes Malboro reds and by 18 I was coughing so much I could barely sleep lying down. Some trips to the doctors and x-rays on my chest, they advised me to stop smoking. I took this to mean cut down and change to a 'lighter' brand. Two years of non-stop cycles of chest-infections, tonsillitis, and bronchitis did not stop the smoking habit. I would quit and restart repeatedly. 

Adult Habits

The cycle of smoking continued throughout adulthood. My rule was no more than 5 per day. I could go 6 months of not smoking and then take it up again to my 5 a day for 5 months. I knew that the cycle related to relationships going wrong and the need for mental space at work. 

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I never intended to 'give up' smoking as I loved it! I loved the smell, the physical hand holding, the breathing and social element. I made such 'great' friends on cigarette breaks because we could share the dramas of what we were 'hiding from'. 

The only time I found smoking annoying was running. It made my lungs raw with pain & I would begin to cough again. I always chose smoking - if the craving was there then I needed the comfort. 

This was a complete lack of self-love. Destructive patterns mask, shun and ignore our negative feelings by smoking out or drowning us further into an abyss.  I had so much self-hate and smothered my inner child's voice.

The Shift

Unintentionally, my soul took the reigns. I began to choose feeling good. My focus was to always appreciate what was around me and feel the natural smile inside me. I decided to work with law of attraction and attract what I enjoy. 

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After a year of law of attraction practice during my daily meditation practice, I took a journey into my lungs. I saw my heart surrounded by the smoke, the suffocation of air in my lungs and death of the cells. I felt and observed the hatred I energetically carried into my heart when I smoked. I really hated myself when I smoked and this was ingrained in my mind, feelings and body. 

Never Returning 

After that meditation I could never go back. The choice to love myself was clear. Now when I notice the craving of a cigarette or that restriction around my heart, I am aware that it is a sensation of self-hate. 

I breathe love into my heart and take a compassion meditation to lift my vibration. I meet myself with unconditional love and acceptance. The choice is to live in love. 

If you have a habit that is only for when you feel stressed, angry, upset or lonely then welcome compassion. You have to let go of the hatred and make space for self-love. 

Listen to my compassion yoga nidra to begin your journey to unconditional love for yourself.