Healing from A Lifetime of Depression
I have shared much about my healing journey from my head injury, but my first reaction to my head injury was that I would become depressed again. Several of my posts have shared aspects of depression, but it is time to dig deep, be raw and share more of this darker part of my life. I feel this is important because I meet many with 'hidden depression' yet there is an awakening with this tale.
RIP Facebook Friends
Every time I share an event on Facebook I look through my 'friends' to invite relevant people. In the past 11 years of Facebook, I have seen a growing number of my friends still virtually alive, but have chosen to physical depart this life experience. Each time I note the loss of the people in my life and the impact that they had, I am grateful to still be here and to have found my way through that pit of despair.
I see social media as a means to share our pains, to help support and heal each other with a virtual connection. Energy is not limited by physicality and the internet permits us to embrace the energetic exchanges we can experience together in healing. This does not remove the connection of a call or cuppa, but recognises that we are all connected.
Why Am I Sharing My Story Now?
A year ago I realised how significant my depression had been in my life. I knew that this was a significant shift in my ability to embrace self-love and what it means to have unconditional love for yourself. However, I could not explain to another how to face the demon of depression and was still fearful of truly facing mine.
Through inner work, facing fears and befriending my ego I have revealed some of the layers behind my depression. I had buried my depression for many years hiding in workaholism.
The choice to leave England and embrace a life of less work removed the cover of my addiction to work that hid my self-hate. Quickly I realised that my 'work' was to embrace myself and work less!
The Fear of Being Happy
The basic and hardest thing to face when depressed is the fear of being happy. The ego has an immense grip on the mind, emotions and body - it is worse to feel good and lose happiness than stay in misery. You do not deserve to feel happy. You are not worth good things. Life is pointless and meaningless with nothing to contribute or bring value to the world.
Where do you start to get out of this? You are so lost and there is no way out.
There is increasing evidence that mindfulness practices and mind-body movement help and support mental health issues*. There are amazing charities that support those in need through peer support groups and programs. This is the place for those 'at risk' and suicidal. I will share the years of this for me in later posts.
From my late twenties, my depression became clever. It hid behind my addictions - mostly smoking and work. I was afraid of my depression and how deep it ran within me, I was aware of my cycles of moods (with the sunlight) and I had my techniques to cope (working). But I accepted that my life had no purpose and I was going to merely exist through it. I would swing from highs of my life being great with tonnes of energy to socialise, study more and work more to the lows of hiding from the world in my work, drinking myself to sleep and training at the gym like my body needed punishment.
This subtle depression hides under the surface of many people I meet. We may not even know that we are suffering and think we have recovered. These people smile, are bubbly, have amazing families and jobs, yet there is a lost and empty place in their eyes. There are critical and perfectionist tones weaving under their words, projecting an energy of self-hate. It saddens me to see this in people yet it excites me too. Why?
The epidemic of mental-health is the awakening of our consciousness evolvement. Mental health issues are about our connection to spirituality at a metaphysical level; this means that as more people heal from their mental health issues the higher the vibrations we raise in the universe and our collective conscious evolution. We are awakening with the building evidence that mind-body-spiritual practices and conscious living can help heal people. Embrace your journey and give yourself permission to heal, so your positive energy can help shift Earth.
Depression Series Exploration
This isn't an easy exploration for me to predict, but I aim to share about:
- Giving Up Smoking for Self-Love
- How Pilates helped me journey inward;
- How yoga affirmed the need for a spiritual path;
- Why mindfulness gave me a new friend;
- The wonder of yoga nidra for discovering space within me;
- How Tai Chi and Qi Gong taught me about ease and flow;
- That Law of Attraction got me feeling good vibes;
- Playing with your Ego;
- Changing my Karma through active choice;
- The Gift of Grace;
- Endless Surrender to Divine Alignment.