The Planning Predicament of Life
Owning up to our own mistakes can be a hard lesson. But it is in accepting the lesson and implementing it with change going forward that is vital to transform your life. Some people are planners and this can be a great attribute because planners can make huge changes of transformation when the planning is combined with aligned vision, creativity and flow for everyone’s good.
Heart led Plans
I am a planner. I always had a 3-5 year plan of my life that was to attain goals I wanted for my life. My drive was unstoppable and I made some poor choices if I felt that something would get in the way of my plans.
A head injury confronts you with something horrific if you are a planner - you cannot commit to or plan anything. For over 18 months I could barely plan ahead 30 minutes let alone days, I went from the typical Londoner with my life booked up for months to unable to plan a week of my life as I did not know if I would be ‘well enough’ to do something. I had to let go of planning. I remember the day I sat and asked myself “What is this drive? Why must I plan? Where am I going?”
Almost 6 years since my accident and in moving to Australia I realise something - I am planning a full on life and future. One that includes buying homes, retreats in 12 month’s and designing my dream life. I am planning!
But I have changed how I plan. The last six years have become a life of following my heart. My decisions are now “What will bring me peace so that my heart can be easy and I feel well and happy?”
Since my accident my yearly intentions have been:
To be healthy, healed and whole (this took 2 years).
To share and empower others to live their wellbeing. For my business to enable me and my collaborators to live joyful, loving, healthy and well lives that we share with others.
To follow the sunshine to bring me joy and to find my home.
To be joyful, loving and free that shares healing love with the world.
The Heart vs the Ego
My decision to move to Australia is completely heart-led. But to return to a ‘city life’ brought up those old habits and ways of being from before my accident.
As I set my sights on this new life in Australia I began having crazy dreams. I woke up anxious and full of worries. I drove myself into frenzied actions of planning the next 12 months. I began to plan. My ego tried to force my ‘new tools’ onto old habits but the reality was that my intuition was flashing red lights at me, but I was charging ahead. Why?
When a client asked me “Who am I supposed to listen to - my spirit guides, my wants and needs, some God or something else?” My response took me back to Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘The New Earth’ that explains that your life’s purpose is found through separating from the ego, finding true acceptance of what is so that you can listen to what makes you content in the present moment.
For me, the ego is the me in this body that worries and fears that my needs won’t be met, and there is my soul’s calling where I surrender to love, accept and enjoy the ride to bring me mind-blowing experiences.
The past six months have been bumping into my ego - consciously playing and experimenting with my boundaries. To make mistakes is to know you are progressing, that you are growing and changing. Pushing your edge becomes your comfort zone.
A Journey through the Chakras
The unravelling of my lessons followed my chakras and the way that energy, emotions and life unfolds through the body, mind and spirit.
Root chakra - Security
It is not the fear of not having a physical home in Sydney when we moved here, but the fear of not having a home where I felt ‘safe’ - for me this is the energy of the space. I am adaptable to environments and possess skills to shift energy around me, but I still fundamentally feared being back in a city. My ego said “Run away! Leave the city and run more retreats”. I was not truly commit to settling to the city and finding my physical ‘tribe’.
I walked, foot baths and massaged my feet. Softening my feet into this new earth to welcome it’s support into my body.
I visioned the space I needed to live in. I kept visioning it and connecting to how safe the space made me feel.
I surrendered to living in Sydney as my base. The decision required my emotional commitment and I began to feel more secure and settled.
Sacral chakra - Money worries
Nature is the biggest reminder for me that there is variety and abundance in the world. That there is flowing magic always weaving around me. I knew that being based in the Northern Beaches nature is not far from me and yet in preparation my anxiety of the concrete jungle led to disconnection from my heart. My ego said “Jungle retreats will keep you feeling abundant and connected”. I pushed too hard to be in the jungle as though it was easier to make money than in the city.
Surfing reminds me to go with the flow of the water. My mind must be so still as to hear the rhythm of the ocean to catch the wave and the fun comes unexpectedly.
Gratitude practice in all aspects of my life, but especially the time and connections I enjoy in my life.
Remembering why I came here - to feel abundant with love. I focused on noticing things I love in my life around me - my love bank!
Solar plexus chakra - Ego driving ‘Success’
The decision to survive solely from my business suddenly put pressure for an externally judged ‘success’. My ego said “Set targets for financials, client numbers, marketing and business plans.” I spent hours talking to coaches and mentors, researched business options for growth and tried to think of ways to upscale what I do financially. Everything was uncomfortable and I began to feel ugly in my skin. None of this was me. I began judging and comparing myself to others.
I started Tremor Release Exercise (future blog post) for holding steadfast to my alignment but allowing my fears to shake free.
I admitted and ended misaligned choices and apologised to all involved. I took responsibility for my poor decisions.
I surrendered to discovering something new about myself and path - I got lost in not knowing what comes next.
Heart chakra - Forgiveness for Old Ways
Heart-led decisions are not always full of joy if your heart is full of sadness. I have been on a path full of joy but the self-doubt that had crept in allowed my ego to take a grip. My ego said “You must be alone to work this out. Isolate yourself and find the solutions within you.” I could feel myself disconnecting from those I had formed amazing bonds and had begun fault-finding in them.
I re-started boxing sessions and my forearm inversions practice to strengthen my heart.
I undertook a ‘Forgiveness activity’ on myself and with others that delved into freeing me emotionally and energetically.
Daily compassion meditation practice with rose quartz crystals to enhance my energy of love so I could see all around me through eyes of love.
Throat chakra - True Listening
When you purposefully ignore your own voice of warnings there are bound to be some repercussions. My ego said “Your dream life is over, now it is time to get back to what everyone else is doing in the city and live in fear. Shallow your voice.” Mine repercussions were low mood days. Time to really put into place my Law of Attraction practice - this means discipline of the mind and emotions. Time to purge these negative thoughts and forgive myself of these insecure feelings.
I began to sing, a lot. I would walk around singing Shamanic songs to ground. I listened to the the bird song and the ocean waves, nature’s sounds musically filling with beauty.
I did stream of consciousness activities to see what came out of me - I did it in self-talk and writing. Then I took visualisations to heal the result.
Providing Reiki healings with others allowed my intuition to deepen and connect with my clairsentience, and I began to listen to me.
Third eye chakra - Seeing Clearly
I had brain mud and decisions came from grasping at ideas rather than consistent clarity. My ego said “Move fast, fill up your time so it will make your new life filled with what you want. If you don’t act nothing will happen and you don’t get what you want.” If there was one thing that my head injury showed me was that waiting and going slow is great for me. Be patient and let it unfold with the waves of time. The more I relaxed, surrendered and allowed this new life to unfold the more I saw interesting consistencies in my dreams over these six years. Ideas began to flow and connections form as I saw patterns of thoughts, desires and interests evolving. A dream list for the future is emerging.
Journalling my desires and monitoring my emotions as I list them. Do they change? What is consistent?
Softly researching, meeting and listening to others to discover what people want and where does it fit with me. Is there alignment?
Vision board time! I am beginning to envision a future for my life and sometimes seeing helps you clarify what you truly want.
Crown chakra - Connecting In and Out
Many head related issues metaphysically are about a lack of connection to spirituality and the Divine. After meningitis, migraines, depression, anxiety and head injuries I think I can conclude that I spent my life struggling with a connection to the Divine. When I left the jungle in May 2018 I felt so in love with the Divine life and how magical it is to be so connected. I want to dance, sing and share it with everyone. But in the 6 months since, I began to disconnect and attempts to reconnect were from need not love. My ego said “That’s nice but living in the real world people don’t want to hear about the Divine, they want to hear about science and evidentiary stuff.” I enjoy evidentiary stuff like biomechanics in movement, but the connection to the Divine is vital to my passion and love of life. It is also critical for the conscious evolution of humans at this time.
Social activities and shares to discover what others want who are not in ‘my wellness bubble’.
Magic in the every day to be witnessed with my ‘daily gift’ that I share on social media. I needed some public accountability and connection with others.
Unconditionality, impossibility and unlimited thinking. Reading books, podcasts and videos about quantum mechanics remind me that reality is just my perception and it is my choice what I experience - I choose from my heart to connect to all the divine in everyone.
Steps to Change Your Life
My week-long retreats provide a crash course of these seven stages in the chakra to change your life or deepen into your life for what fills you up. There are so many tools, techniques and approaches to use that we are fortunate to have the abundance of ways.
I am a master of change. I love to learn and discover new things. I experiment and make mistakes. If you want to work with me then it is not about how I show you, or tell you what to do. It is about your discovery and power for your journey of life. I just ask you for dedication, commitment, discipline and effort for yourself.
If you want to work with me then get in touch. Let’s see what a difference we can make together.