DISCOVERING SELF LOVE
I never set out to discover self-love. But when I decided to make the most of discovering my life purpose, I began a journey of falling in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way but one that permits me to prioritise my health, happiness and wellbeing. I discovered that there are many aspects to self-love where we can unravel our full potential.
I recall the moment when I stood in-front of the mirror in my flat in London shortly after my accident. Facing the scars that the doctors told me were my new face. Be grateful that I did not lose my left eye and that I still have my sight. I recognised that I must accept this is what I have now and it is perfect for me now.
Appreciate what works in your body that gives you freedom right now.
I was 31 years old suffering extreme neurofatigue. My parent’s friends in their 70s would tell me that it is just like getting old. Less energy and resilience in the body, emotions and mind are hard to accept. We must respect our life force energy and the resilience of the physical and mental body for how it has served us and will in the future if we take care of it.
Our body is our playground but also our home in this lifetime. It must be respected, valued and honoured.
As I sat in pain and unable to do the things I once did, I perceived that I was once some super person. There was no objective basis for this perception. Before my accident I had plenty of self-doubt. We always think we were better before than we are now, but it is always an illusion.
All we have is where we are right now. Honour that. You are enough right now.
Then came the nagging voice of criticism. I wasn’t doing enough to get better. I could be stronger than this. Then it dawned on me, I would never let my friends say this to me! I would never say this to a friend. Why say it to myself?
Only say and do to yourself the same as you would say and do to your dearest friends.
The emotional outbursts of frustration, depression and anger were understandable. As these outbursts occurred I began to recognise them as exhausting me, yet they calmed and centred me. So, I placed a time cap on them to manage the energy drain. Through allowing the emotions to flow gave them space to be experienced, I did not need to know what they were about and that made it easier to move on from them.
Accept emotions without attachment to it of a story, allow it and then move on.
Gifted with plenty of self-confidence I always had trust in myself for my abilities and judgments. This was completely thrown out the window thanks to my accident. My brain could not be trusted to have any idea about anything! Self-confidence is being open and speaking up. To not fear failure or embarrassment for saying the incorrect thing. Others can confirm your understanding or correct it, and that builds self-confidence.
Own up to how you feel and struggle without complaining. As people confirm or correct your understandings you will build your confidence.
Advised to take time to nurture myself, my reaction was that I could barely say the word! The idea of it disgusted me! This took conscious effort to engage. I got a diary to allow a maximum of 5 things to do a day – the goal was to do less. I got more time to write, go for walks, and paint my nails.
Create time for small acts that nourish you in a calm and contented way.
As a type A overachiever the concept of rest to recover was a challenge. I needed to ‘do something’ to recover. Often this resulted in backward steps in my health and the frustration cycle reared its head. Acceptance that I was learning self-care allowed me to forgive myself for these ‘failings’.
From a place of forgiveness and love, embrace that you are doing your best for where you are in that moment.
I never had this. This is about your self-worth and value. Many of us live in a world of ‘lack’ or ‘scarcity mind-set’: that there are insufficient resources and we cannot have all we dream. We each deserve unconditional love, happiness and success throughout life.
I had to remove myself from the world of money to explore myself worth. To watch the jungle life decay and create new shoots, the vast array of greens always growing love - I could see the abundance of the world.
Open your eyes to see the abundance. Flow with the cycles of nature to prosper. Have faith that you will know when it is time to act and allow abundance to flow into your heart.