Reincarnation is "a new version of something from the past." The goal for 2017 is 'expansion into my full true self'. The last month of central America prompted me to think of my return to England and for several days I found myself slightly emotional. Not to leave central America but at the realisation that my return to London was to release my old life.
I always said that I would die before I was 36 because great people did not live past that age (for some reason I excluded many people I hugely admired). This was a random age I'd picked and the definition of 'great' non-sensical. So, when I found myself prone on a stability ball midst mid-back rowing into the sunset over the Pacific I recalled this funny construct and realised it is my 36th birthday this June. It was time for this Nid who lived the old life to die - to enable me to fulfil my goal and become the person I have begun to enjoy.
Releasing Nid (Spjut?)
My every day in Central America is "another perfect day in paradise" with only "paradise problems" when struggles present to me. The initial three weeks at The Retreat profoundly deepened my spiritual journey through reading, meditation, the work with clients and discussions with colleagues. I found that conversations with clients enabled me to understand the healing that they sought, the resistance that they held and what may help them shift. I tailored my teaching through watching the guest’s movements, their choice of clothes all expressed their needs. Themes arose with different groups of clients and I saw huge shifts in people within their body and Being during their stay. The feedback was overwhelming and generous; I was humbled by their kind words.
I have always been a confident teacher, versatile and responsive to my clients. My ability to read movement as it expresses much deeper ripples of the soul is something I find fascinating and hugely rewarding. Prior to my head injury I was often 'hard' or 'abrupt' in how I might share this insight. The change in perspective of how we perceive experience through my injury softened me.
Becoming Nid (Seymour?)
The choice to deepen my spiritual self has opened my connections with others beyond what my rational mind could comprehend. Through the shifts I saw in others I began to see the shift in myself. When I told the class that Costa Rica was the land of magic where what you wish comes true, I meant it! The realisation that I could be all my dreams if I just surrender to them. As I lay over my stability ball releasing myself of my life, I found myself pondering "What next?", how does the next part unfold? What must I do?
Days later and I was still unclear. I had become happy in this present moment state, but was not coming back to Earth with any clue. And as if by chance an amazing woman came to The Retreat: she giggled at everything with such pure joy. She thanked me for my yoga lessons and what she was learning in her body wisdom. We discussed the definition of 'grace' and the 'experience of true pain', she had such deep wisdom. When she called me "the awakened yogi", I was astounded as I am just me.
A day later, she stopped me after class: "You must reincarnate. Come back and embody. You do not need to hide in paradise. You have awakened. Now embody your awakened state on this earth. What do you truly want? Look into my eyes and want do you feel? You are afraid of all you can be. Surrender fully and embrace the beauty of where you are." As I struggled and failed to find words, tears welled up. Then she said: "The world needs good lawyers. There are many healers, but not good lawyers... But, then maybe not." and this adorable joyful little woman ran off for her massage.
As she called me to speak later, the conversation unfolded finding English words that resonated with us both: "You love purity. You are intellectual. Some are all kindness and compassion. But Nid is pure intellect, those are your skills and gifts that make you joyful."
Enjoy the Beauty
How do I find this reincarnated pure intellectual Nid? What must I do? The natural conditioned human response.
There is no "what next?" or “action”. Be present. Just be where you are and see the beauty in all form around you. Surrender to the beauty. Begin to see the beauty in all form around you. I have always been patient and allow time to for all to find their way, but rarely have I relinquished control to fully surrender. But not just surrender as though you have lost a war, but surrender in the joy of beauty all around you. To see and feel the love of physical manifestation.
For that previous week, I had been teaching:
"The seed has faith that it will grow its shoot towards the light as it moves through the darkness, before it can blossom into the most beautiful flower".
I had found my faith in who I would become, but needed to come into the light to see the beauty of who I had become. The way to start was to see the beauty around me – I was already in the light. She had seen I was ‘awakened’ but I hadn’t seen it for myself.
In a restless night's sleep of half-dreaming I kept telling myself: "I am empty. I am blank. I am clear. I am open." At breakfast my new friend and colleague came to join me: "I know what you must do!" and with that her idea unfolded in front of me. I was comfortable. There was no overwhelm. It felt like "OK, this is right" and I could see the pieces with no pressure or strain.
When excitement became too much I stopped and looked at the beauty around me. If I remain present, see the beauty around me, calm, move gently, flow with the day then each step unfolds with ease and presents better solutions than my mind alone could present. I surrender again to the beauty. We are all creating our experiences, our lives and this world together - we are in co-creation.
Find your reincarnation:
- Be present
- Create the space within you
- From space observe the world around you - the wholeness around you
- Be empty. Be open. Be willing to receive.
- See beauty all around you
- Be grateful
- Surrender to beauty
- Know that choice to act has affect. Each choice is an act of creation - does the choice feel deliciously good? If not, surrender to the beauty again